


Oops

by aewea



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Natasha Romanov, Crack, Crossover, Cupcakes, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Intersex Loki, Kinda Good Loki, Lady Loki in some chaps, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki is a troll, Loki opens an animal shelter, Loki's kids might show up for a visit, M/M, Multi, Oh and that basilisk, Oh that was YOUR cat? well too late. It's Loki's now., Other, The avengers do what they want, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is a troll, UNIFORMS ARE FOR LOSERSSSSS, also that dog, and that dragon, clint is a troll, de-aged avengers, de-aged loki, kinda Avenger Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewea/pseuds/aewea
Summary: “KILL THEM!” The ugly snake-guy screeches from where he’s sprawled on the ground behind them, still not recovered from the jelly-legs jinx Tony sent his way, and his weirdly dressed bunch of minions nearly fall over themselves to carry out the order.“you look like an egg!!” Clint tells the snake guy as another set of colorful jinxes and curses are sent their way, and then turns to glare at Tony. “I knew trying to record Lord Voldemort’s return on camera was a bad idea!”“Nonsense!” Tony cries as he continues to run for his life.OrThat one fic where the avengers are sent to the Hp Universe by a villain with questionable level of sanity, and then proceed to ruin everything.(Goes through all the years)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Ummm. Ok, so this is a story about how some supervillain the avengers and Loki are fighting suddenly opens a portal and sends them to the HP world. This is mostly crack, and the chapters won’t be in order. Like I start with how they get there, but then I might jump to write a scene of the fifth book, and then back track to the second book. 
> 
> In this chap it’s more about how Loki and avengers make peace –which happens before the actual story starts- but very soon we’ll be at Hogwarts. 
> 
> Like I said, it will be good if you need a laugh (hopefully?) but don’t take it too seriously.

“Faster tony!" Clint shouts as he dodges a ray of green light and somehow manages to simultaneously duck and shoot an arrow back at his attacker, “Go faster damnit!"

“Aw, dear,” Tony shouts back as he runs for his life, because he’s just that horrible, and also because he can’t possibly let such a perfect opportunity go to waste. “No need to be so impatient, we have all night to go!”

"Oh, shut up!” Clint snaps, “just run!”

“KILL THEM!” The ugly snake-guy screeches from where he’s sprawled on the ground behind them, still not recovered from the jelly-legs jinx Tony sent his way, and his weirdly dressed bunch of minions nearly fall over themselves to carry out the order.

“You look like an egg!!” Clint tells the snake guy as another set of colorful jinxes and curses are sent their way, and then turns back to glare at Tony. “I knew trying to record Lord Voldemort’s return on camera was a bad idea!”

“Nonsense!” Tony cries as he continues to run for his life.

“How did we even get into this mess?!” Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff kid whose presence Tony had entirely forgotten (Hey, not his fault! The kid was too silent for his own good!), asks in a hysterical manner. Understandable, considering he nearly died just now.

Clint opens his mouth to answer, but then apparently decides that he also has no freaking idea how they actually got into this mess, and turns to look at Tony.

Tony wants to tell them that this is not really a mess and that everything is under control, but he doesn’t think anyone below the level of Loki the Trickster god can pull off saying such a huge lie with a straight face, so he instead tries to answer the question.

Seriously, HOW the hell did they even get into this mess?

Tony isn’t sure. Maybe it started when he managed to first build a camera that worked despite magic interfering with its basic design, maybe it was when Harry Potter’s name came out of the Goblet of Fire, Maybe it was when Nat glared at him and Clint and told them not to get involved in this people’s problems-

Ok Screw it, It definitely started when The avengers + Loki woke up in a train station clad in weird clothes that _definitely_ weren’t their own, and found themselves to be de-aged a couple of decades (or in some cases, a couple of _centuries_ )

Now, an explanation for why they didn’t immediately try to kill each other the moment they woke up, which means Tony has to backtrack another two years:

Long story short, Thor one day showed up at the avenger’s tower at 3 a.m. with his brother in tow, and when they asked him why his psychopath sibling was tagging along, he was like: _Oh, haven’t you heard?_ and then proceeded to go on a rant about ’13 reasons why Loki wasn’t the _real_ bad guy in this recent attack’ starting with Torture and ending with mind control, while a couple of Pajama wearing avengers listened in stunned silence. 

Naturally no one was convinced, but Thor had _proof_ , and along with that a magician/healer lady from another realm who claimed that she had taken a stroll inside Loki’s head, and knew him to be innocent.

Tony himself didn’t know who the chick was, but considering the way Thor treated her, she was someone important. They were later informed that she was the one who had forced Odin to drop the charges against Loki, and that she had requested that Thor bring Loki to Midgard.

Anyway, after the Lady and Thor talked with Fury and some other important people, it was decided that Loki stays on earth, which _of course_ , meant he was sent to live with the avengers.

Needless to say, no one was really that thrilled about that, least of all Clint.

They were however, pleasantly surprised to learn that when not trying to take over the world, Loki was surprisingly decent. Sure, he was still a sarcastic bastard, but he was a helpful sarcastic bastard, and baked really good cupcakes.

It was the cupcakes that won most of them over.

Tony was the first to come around, and he almost immediately forgave the god for throwing him out of a window when presented with his own iron man themed cupcake. They later bond over trash talking their fathers and their +A parenting.

Steve was the second one to try, seeing that he was the kind of guy to give others second chances. He didn’t do much other than joining Loki in cooking meals or baking sweets, but that alone seemed to bring them closer and not before long, they had started their own little cooking club.

Bruce was the third. And surprisingly enough, it happened when the other guy was out. None of the others were actually sure how it exactly happened, just that they one day Natasha found Hulk hugging Loki like a doll and rocking him gently as the God told him a story that slowly put the beast to sleep. After that, Bruce decided that if Loki could stop him from going on a rampage, then he was a cool enough guy to befriend.

By the time Natasha came around, it was eight months into the God’s stay with the avengers, but the important thing was that Loki actually managed to soften the ex-assassin enough for her to accept him as one of them. Tony wasn’t sure what the main reason she forgave him was, but he guessed that his ability at making coffee _exactly_ the way you liked it was no small factor.

Unsurprisingly, Clint was the last to forgive the trickster, but after Loki bribed him with as much sweets as he could possibly want, he agreed to have a little heart to heart with him. They talked about Thanos and the mind gem, and bonded over how much being mind-controlled sucked. After that, things were a lot calmer, but the real friendship started a little over a year after Loki had first joined them when Hawkeye walked to the god and gave him a cup full of steaming tea, telling him that he should take more care of himself from between clenched teeth before stiffly walking away. That apparently meant something to Loki, since he gave such a wide and happy smile that Tony felt like the gates to heaven had opened and an angel itself was smiling down at them. Seriously, the guy looked adorable when he wasn’t giving one of those half crazed villain grins. If he wanted friends the only thing he had to do was to smile more. Judging by the dazed look on the others’ faces, everyone agreed.

(Tony later asked Clint about the tea, and he hesitantly told him that at the time that he had been under Loki’s control, he had used to feed Loki every once in a while, since the god cared so little about his own health that he would forget to _sleep_ , let alone have meals. )

From then on, with all the avengers on board –because magic cupcakes and adorable smiles were just that useful when befriending humans, and Thor, Norns bless him, literally never once left his brother side (sans the times Loki forcefully kicked him out of the bathroom because ‘ _privacy Thor’)_ since his innocence was proven _-_ they were the world’s weirdest friendship group.

Which explains why they didn’t all try to kill each other when one day they all woke up in a train station clad in strange clothes and with a bunch of suitcases scattered on the ground around them, but doesn’t explain _why_ they woke up there.

So again, back to where it all started:


	2. Have You Ever Heard of the Word "Fashion"?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” Natasha doesn’t look all that much happier as she glares at the train, “What do we do now?”
> 
> “Isn’t it obvious?!” Clint cries excitedly, turning to look at her with sparkling eyes, “It’s Hogwarts. We go there, what else?”
> 
> “We go there,” Tony agrees, a huge grin forming on his face, “And then we leave a big enough impression that this time, they add us to the books.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I’d like to remind everyone that this is only for fun and I hope you enjoy.  
> (I haven’t actually written much of the next chap, and I also got other fics to update, so I don’t know if the next update will be soon or not.

Tony wakes up to pain in his neck and someone’s boot poking him in the side. He feels like he’s lying on hard cold floor, and there’s not even a pillow under his head; instead, there’s a heavy weight pinning the lower half of his body to the ground. Needless to say he doesn’t feel all that comfortable.

“Hey,” A tired voice says, “Hey Kid, Get up.”

Tony lets out a groan and tries to wriggle free, and for his efforts he’s rewarded by a kick in his side, “What the…” He groans, and tries to open his eyes, but the first stab of pain makes him snap them shut again, “How much did I drink last night?”

“Not any, I hope.” The voice says dryly, and a hand lands on his shoulder. “Jesus kid, how the hell did you guys even get here? The gate was locked till fifteen minutes ago!”

Tony takes a deep breath and slowly half opens one eye, staring at the blurred face of a middle aged man in some kind of uniform. “Ha?” He says intellectually.

The man sighs, and gets up from his crouch. “Whatever kid. I won’t tell anyone I saw you here, but get your friends up before anyone else shows up. You’re first years, right? I know you’re excited for school, but sneaking into the station and spending the night is really too much.”

Tony only blinks at him, and the man shakes his head and slowly walks away, leaving Tony more confused that he was a moment ago.

Tony stays where he is just for another second, and then he pushes his head up to see what’s pinning half of his body to the ground. To his confusion, it’s a person, which wouldn’t be that weird if that person was a pretty girl or something, but it’s a _guy_ , and not just any guy, but a goddamn blond **kid** in armor who is hugging a freaking hammer.

By this point, Tony is just ready to close his eyes again and go back to sleep, because that’s freaking _Thor_ , and a pint sized one at that, that’s half-draped over Tony’s legs.

That’s when he sees the others. And freaking hell, it’s not just Thor that has shrank, but all the rest of them too.

There’s a tiny Loki, even thinner that the original version (And God, before this day, Tony didn’t think that would be possible) and much shorter. His hair is just as long, but it’s wavier and more disheveled that tony has ever seen. He’s more or less curled around Thor, with the blonde’s arm draped over him and hugging him tightly. Next to him is Clint, who has one arm circled around a little red haired girl’s waist and another draped over a guy’s chest who is probably Bruce. He is also the one whose foot is digging into Tony’s side. There’s another kid on the other side who is gripping Tony’s right arm tightly and snoring softly. Tony can’t exactly see his face from the position he is in, but he’d bet anything that that’s Cap.

He brings his other hand up and stares at it, gulping when he finds it much smaller than it has any right to be. “Ok,” He says in a hysteric voice, “Time to get the fuck up guys, we have a situation here.”

Natasha is the first to snap awake, and she nearly jumps to her feet, waking up Clint in the process. They both sit up, all trace of sleep gone. Natasha takes one look around and her eyes harden as she reaches for something that Tony bets is some sort of wicked weapon, she tenses when she doesn’t find it. Clint looks at the others and curses, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Loki is the next one to awaken, and as soon as he notices what’s going on, he looks like he just swallowed a particularly sour lemon. He reaches down and shakes Thor none too gently, and snaps at him to wake up. By the time Thor stops snoring, both Cap and Bruce are awake. The latter looking like he is two seconds away from saying fuck it and banging his head against the floor, while the former just looks confused.

“What the hell,” Clint says, “is happening?”

“It’s her.” Natasha says dryly as she holds out a note to him. Tony raises an eyebrow. Where the hell did she get that now? “The F.G”

Clint groans as he takes the note. “That crazy sorceress that likes to open portals to other Universes and ship people there for the fun of it?” he asks, “Please not her. _Anyone_ but her.”

“Who?” Tony asks blankly, still eyeing the rainbow colored piece of paper.

“Amelia Ross,” Natasha says, “Or as she likes to be called, The Fangirl. She’s one of the magicians shield has had a lot of trouble with lately. Apparently she likes to send people to other Universes for unknown amounts of time, only to bring them back to the exact second she stole them. She’s not dangerous, just…”

“Crazy?” Clint suggests.

“Unstable.” She confirms.

“Give me the note, “Steve says and Clint passes him the paper “ _Dear avengers_ ,” He reads, “ _Lately, things have been too boring in your own universe. Don’t get me wrong, watching you and Loki becoming BBFs was totally amusing, but the thing is that with him gone, there’s not a single supervillain that’s worth fighting. So yeah, I got tired of watching you guys getting into fights with coffee machines-”_ here Steve gave an embarrassed cough, “ _or bake all day, so, I brought you here. Don’t worry about parting with your precious positions, they are all in the suitcases I packed for you. Have fun, and I hope you like the clothes I picked for you.”_

“What the he- wait, clothes that she picked for us? But this is my own uni- HOLY FUCK! ” Clint cries and they all look down to see that their clothes have magically changed. “Oh God why?!” He screams when he sees that his tight leather clothing has changed for a pair of brown leggings and a short green tunic. He even has a cape and the leaf shaped clasp from LotR to complete his Legolas outfit.

Tony looks at his own outfit, which is nothing as awesome but instead made of a pair of yellow khaki shorts, a yellow shirt, and a yellow jacket with smiley faces on it. “This is a fashion disaster,” He agrees wholeheartedly. “Seriously Ms.Fangirl, Too much yellow.”

Natasha looks down at her own neon pink typical witch costume with a sour expression, but doesn’t say anything.

“I rather like mine,” Thor says happily as he looks at his Hawaiian shirt and loose beach shorts. He still has his hammer, but a ridiculous helmet with feathers on the side has also been added to his outfit. Tony supposes that he would look less idiotic if he didn’t have pink sunglasses on.

“I don’t.” Loki says, and glares at Clint when he laughs at his Elsa outfit.

“This is a nightmare.” Steve murmurs in horror as he tries to look at anything other than his clothes which are made entirely out of flags of countries _other_ than America.

“Please tell me you can fix this mess.” Bruce asks Loki in a broken voice as he picks at his too green bulky jacket.

Loki nods, his lip still pinched in a grimace, and with a wave of his hand they are all dressed in normal clothes. Well, all but Thor, who is happy in his Hawaiian outfit.

 In that moment, there’s the sound of a loud hiss, and a train rolls into the station.

“Um guys,” Clint says, his voice a pitch too high, “I think I know in which universe we are. Because that,” he says, pointing to the train, “is the fucking Hogwarts Express.”

There’s silence for a few moments, and then Bruce suddenly slaps his forehead and lets out a groan. “Are you _kidding_ me?” he says, “Is this a bad joke? Please tell me this is a bad joke.”

“So,” Natasha doesn’t look all that much happier as she glares at the train, “What do we do now?”

“Isn’t it obvious?!” Clint cries excitedly, turning to look at her with sparkling eyes, “It’s _Hogwarts_. We go there, what else?”

“We go there,” Tony agrees, a huge grin forming on his face, “And then we leave a big enough impression that this time, they add us to the books.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I hope you liked it. After this, I’m not sure if I will still go in order or not, but if there is anything special you guys wanna see (doesn’t matter which year) tell me.  
> Um..plz review? Rly guys, they are like the only reasons I write new chaps, so plz tell me what you think.  
> I also could use ideas.


	3. Is it Seat or Sit goddamn it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I guess it’s time to change into the uniforms,” Clint says as he gets up and goes to dig some clothes out from his suitcase. “But I say that we just go in our own outfits and show them what real fashion is.” 
> 
> Tony eye Thor’s clothes critically, “I don’t know. I think Point break would more show them what a real fashion disaster is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I’m disappointed in all of you, not because of not reviewing or anything like that, but because not even one of you pointed out my (arguably not very) funny pun. Really, I expected so much more than this.  
> On another note, thanks for the kudos, and the comments, u guys are awesome!  
> I once again remind you that this is ONLY crack, so plz just try to find a reason to laugh and forget about logic. I went by my motto ‘Why take anything srsly when your whole life is a joke?’ and wrote this for fun, and I sure as hell didn’t stop to see if it makes sense or not. 
> 
> Oh and I guess they’re emotionally more kids than adults now that they have been de-aged.

After Tony wastes nearly half an hour trying to figure out how the ‘magic wall’ works, Thor somehow manages to get lost twice despite his ridiculously eye-catching clothes, and Natasha gets mistaken for a Weasley by three people, they finally get their asses in the train and start their search for an empty compartment.

One would think that it would be easy, especially considering that they’re still pretty early and few of the seats are taken, but they would soon be proven wrong, because the avengers are nothing if not difficult, and they just have to make everything more complicated than it actually has to be.

The first thing they do is split up, Natasha and Clint going to inspect the train to make sure there are no more surprises from the ‘Fangirl’ waiting around while the rest of them search for a compartment. It takes considerably more time that it should, since Tony, Thor and Loki seem to be engaged in a contest to see who can come up with the most ridiculous reason to dismiss a compartment.

Well, to be fair, Tony and Loki are competing, poor Thor doesn’t even know it’s a game. Not that his lack of knowledge means he has any problem being stupid, oh no, in fact he wins the game by stating that none of the compartments are worthy of their presence because the view outside the windows sucks.

Tony and Loki seem to decide that they can’t possibly top that so they put an end to the game, and in the time it takes Bruce to explain to Thor that the view would change as soon as they move out of the station, Loki magics up a custom-made compartment just for them.

It’s nice, and big, and thankfully not rainbow colored like Clint who has just arrived suggests. In fact, it’s a little too nice, like ‘this looks more like the living room of a palace than a train compartment’ kind of nice, and it’s also too green, but it works and they have a lot of room to fool around, so whatever.

But of course, finding a place to spend the trip in is just the first step, and the real trouble starts when they try to decide on a seating arrangement.

Clint and Tony both want to sit next to the window, which would normally be fine, but Loki has replaced one of seats closest to the window with a majestic gold and (guess what) green throne and is currently sitting on that, so that the leaves the other two to fight to death for the other one. No one else really cares about the window, but Thor wants to sit next to Loki, and Loki is acting like one of those anime girls and says that he doesn’t want to sit next to him even though it’s obvious that he wants to, so Thor joins the fight over the window seat so he can at least sit in front of his brother- and goddamn it how many more times do I have to nearly misspell sit and seat till they finally _seattle_ _down_.

The fight finally ends when Black Widow walks to the window seat and claims it for herself, but not before Loki stabs Thor for being too annoying, so that leaves Bruce to try and deal with a bleeding god that looks much more upset about his Hawaiian shirt being ruined than the actual bleeding.

Loki fixes his not-brother’s shirt when Cap gives him a disapproving glare, and then pretends not to be happy when Thor gives him a sunny smile and a hug. It would look sweet, if Loki didn’t get embarrassed when Tony noted his blush and stab Thor again.

It takes most of the day to get to Hogwarts, and they spend half of the time playing strip poker. They leave out Thor though, both because he’s terrible at cards and because he refuses to take off any of the ridiculous pieces of clothing he’s wearing. Bruce also takes some convincing to play, but cap just blushes and refuses to participate at all.

They end the game when a girl walks in on almost all of them (and by that I mean everyone but Natasha and Loki) in nothing but their underwear, and runs out of the compartment screaming.

“I guess it’s time to change into the uniforms,” Clint says as he gets up and goes to dig some clothes out from his suitcase. “But I say that we just go in our own outfits and show them what _real_ fashion is.”

Tony eye Thor’s clothes critically, “I don’t know. I think Point break would more show them what a real _fashion disaster_ is.”  

“That is unkind to say, friend Stark,” Thor says with a scowl, “These clothes are of excellent taste. We should be thankful to Lady Fangirl for providing us with such fine attire.”

“Please stab him again,” Clint turns to Loki, looking pleading “And this time don’t clean up the blood so he has to change.”

“Forget about the clothes!” Tony throws his arms up, “Someone do something about the pink sunglasses?!”

“I could stab him in the eye?” Loki suggests as he spins one of his knives.

“No,” Tony shakes his head, “Then he’d be half blind, and he would have to wear an eyepatch, and then I’d have to refer to both him _and_ Fury as pirate and everyone would be confused.”

“Hey,” Clint says with a scowl, “Spoilers.”

“What the fuck are you guys even talking about?!” Bruce finally snaps.

“Thor:Rang-“

“Forget it, I don’t wanna know.”

Just then, the train starts to slow does, and the magic school comes into sight. Cap gasps slightly when he sees the imposing castle, and even Natasha has to admit that it’s pretty impressive.

“Wow,” Clint whistles. “I hope you’re all ready for Hogwarts,”

“ _I’m_ ready for Hogwarts,” Tony replies as a shit-eating grin forms on his face, “But Hogwarts sure as hell isn’t ready for _me_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if it wasn’t really funny or that good, but I’m kinda trying to write a Loki x Thor Au where Loki is an assassin trying to kill Thor and somehow ends up dating him instead, and I’m real busy with that. Also, examssssss, so this was really rushed. I didn’t even edit it.
> 
> Hope u like it, and guys like I said, updates of this fic depend solely on the reviews I get, so plz tell me what you think?
> 
> (ok so there was another obvious (and not funny) pun, cookies to anyone who didn't think it's a misspell mistake.)


	4. In which: Paintings comment on fashion, and are rather rude about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter... that I die.
> 
> (btw this isn't any of the characters it's the goddamn author that had to re-write this like 4 times.)
> 
> u want the story, read the title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I am SOOOO sorry for the long wait, but I was trying to pass my finals, study for my Eng class, and write about 4 or 5 fics. Not to mention that this chapter gave me so much trouble I had to rewrite about 4 times. I’m still not satisfied, but if I try to rewrite it again, It will be at least another month before I’m finished. So, here, I rly hope u enjoy and remember that this is crack and just for enjoyment.
> 
> Another important thing, I’m thinking of bringing in a few more characters, though it will take a longggg time for them to show up cuz there’s no way I can add them now without messing up the story. I just wish I’d waited a while to get to know all Marvel characters before starting this, but well, too late now.
> 
> Thank you everyone for the kudos and the comments, I love you guys.

Turns out Tony was right, Hogwarts really isn’t ready for them.

Not a second after they’ve entered the castle, there’s a bellowing laugh, and a feminine voice lets out a very unladylike snort, “what the bloody hell are you wearing?! Beach shorts and sunglasses inside?” it cries, “And is that a helmet with _wings_?! Be careful mate, or your brain’s gonna fly off! Or maybe it has already?!”

Thor seems really offended, and really, Tony is a little too. He might have insulted the shorts and sunglasses himself, but even he knows not to say anything bad about the helmet, and besides _,_ that was just _rude._ “Who dares disrespect the god of Thunder?!” Thor growls, hand going to his hammer.

“I do,” the voice says again, and they all turn to face it, just to freeze in shock. Because okay, that’s a painting, and it’s talking. Because paintings can apparently talk now. Totally normal. (No seriously, that wasn’t sarcasm. This is freaking Hogwarts they’re talking about, and doesn’t matter whether it’s the book verse or the movie verse you’re going with, talking paintings are a thing in both. So see, totally normal. Doesn’t mean meeting a freaking talking painting in _real_ life, especially one commenting on a god’s fashion sense, isn’t somehow disconcerting)

They stare for a while, the ones who never bothered to read the books or watch the movies looking more than a little confused, till Thor finally breaks the silence and lets out a very soft ‘Witchcraft’. (Which, okay, Tony gets why he’s shocked, but considering that his _brother_ is a witch and they’re in a magic school, might sound a little _too_ shocked.)

“Your outfit,” the lady in the painting says, pointing an accusing finger at the god’s chest, “Is _absolutely_ ridiculous. Seriously, I’ve seen goblins with better style, and you call yourself the god of thunder? More like the god of bad fashion sense!”

Tony is about to walk forward and defend his friend, because the clothes _are_ absolutely ridiculous, but Thor seems more than a little hurt (Guess being the god of bad fashion sense isn’t as cool with the Asgardians. Kinda makes sense, though Tony personally think this one is scarier. Imagine getting mad and accidently turning everyone’s Gucci’s outfits into red and yellow stripped onesies.) He doesn’t get to get the painted woman a piece of his mind though, because right at that moment, a witch in a pointed hat and green robes appears.

Still a little angry, Tony tries to listen as the witch (who he assumes to be professor McGonagall) starts talking about the school, houses, point system and what not; and is successful for about 5 seconds before he’s distracted by one of the other paintings making silly faces at him. This one is a portrait of a little kid, and he seems lots nicer the bitch in the other frame, so Tony, the mature adult that he is, entertains him by making even sillier faces back at it.

His fun however, is interrupted a few minutes later by a sharp elbow to the side.

“Watch,” Clint says, and he sounds excited and smug enough that Tony forgets about getting back at him and turns to see what’s so interesting, “it’s the infamous ‘handshake that got rejected’.”

True enough, there are Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, having their first (But not really if you read the books) meeting. Tony grins and wishes for some popcorn as he watches the drama unfold.

“Damn,” Clint whistles when Harry Potter ends the conversation with a sharp ‘I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself’, “That’s some good one-liner. Think we should try our luck as well? We can befriend him.”

“We have to. If he rejects Malfoy, then he at least needs us.” Tony nods, face grim, “Someone has to stop him from naming his son Albus Severus.”

“Yeah, he can name him Clint Tony instead!”

“Why not Tony Clint?”

“Either way,” Loki says, turning up his nose at them. And he _has_ a bag of pop-corn he’s munching on, and he’s not even sharing! The little shit! (Though, on closer inspection, the popcorns are burned to a crisp and some are still on fire, and ok, for some reasons, Loki looks like he’s ready to stab someone. Maybe they should leave him to his burned snack after all.)  “I think it very unlikely that he’d wish to name his son after the two biggest clowns he’s ever met.”

“Now that’s just ru-“ Clint pauses, turning to look at the god with huge eyes, “wait, you read the books?!”

“Of course I did,” Loki huffs, taking another mouthful of popcorn. Tony winches when he grabs some of the still flaming ones and puts them in his mouth, “I was stuck in Midgard with nothing better to do and I’m not an illiterate oaf like my brother. Besides, the plot was engaging enough; despite the author’s view on magic being absurd.”

Tony opens his mouth to protest, because stabby-mode on or not, J.K’s view on magic was _fantastic_ , but he’s interrupted by the professor’s return. _Again_.

“The Sorting ceremony is about to start,” She says to the room in general, “Now if you’d please form a-“ She pauses when she spots the avengers, her lips pursing together in a tight line.

“Misters…” She says, looking at them expectedly one by one till they all give her their names. Even captain and Bruce, who are the most decent of the lot with their robes thrown over their shirt and jeans and just the front open, aren’t safe from her glare. She however, stops when she gets to Loki, Natasha, and surprisingly –cuz Tony is 99 percent sure it’s somehow the traitorous snake’s work, and he’s usually all for embarrassing his brother- Thor. He turns to find a confused god of thunder, a smirking Natasha, and a smug looking Loki who winks at him.

“Had the school year officially started,” The professor says in a clipped tone, gathering his attention once more, “You’d all receive a week worth of detention. Seeing that this is your first year at Hogwarts, I will assume that you are not as well accustomed to the rules as one might expect, and merely made a mistake. But as soon as the term starts, dressing in anything other than the standard school uniform will result in lost points and detentions.” She then turns to face the doors, her voice still hard. “Now form a line, and follow me.”

Clint mouths a silent ‘I trusted you’ to Loki and Natasha, who just continue to look smug. Thor doesn’t get any betrayed looks, because he is obviously as lost as them.

“What did you do?” Bruce whispers.

“Magic,” Loki whispers back, sounding far too gleeful at their misery for Tony’s liking. For reasons unknown, he seems much less angry now, and Tony wonders if they should be worried about the mood swings. Not that he’s upset about the change. A happy Loki is less likely to murder someone, and since they don’t one anyone to get stabbed on their first day here, it’s good news. still, dick move.

“Brother that was most unkind to our friends.” Thor says, frowning disapprovingly at the other. He seems to have forgotten the painting’s insults in his annoyance, and Tony suddenly remembers that Loki, in his own strange way, cares for Thor; and is no longer surprised by the change in the mood or the fact that he shielded his brother with his magic too. (And he might kinda be even glad about it, because when he turns back, the painting which was once a calming picture of a farm with the rude lady sitting the middle of it is now a frame of solid green, painted flames, and he’s pretty sure that Professor McGonagall was very very lucky that he didn’t insult an already upset Thor.)

 He’d think it sweet, was he not busy planning the traitor’s gruesome death.

The trickster doesn’t seem all that apologetic, but mutters something about putting the same spell (which apparently makes people with authority oversee their clothes) on them later too.

They enter the hall, which is every bit as fascinating as it was said to be in the books; and Natasha has to elbow them more than once so they stop gaping. “This is the best day ever,” Tony grins Clint, who happily grins back, “Maybe we should send the Fangirl some of those cupcakes Loki makes.”

“And coffee.” Natasha adds, and Tony decides that she’s not as unimpressed as she pretends to be.

They walk to the front, and stop just at the end of the high table where the teachers are sat. Tony makes out Snape and Dumbledore (and wow, does Thor have a very serious competitor for the ‘Worst Outfit of the Year’ award, because high heels at this age? _really_? –not that he’s going to say that aloud though. Thor can usually take a joke, but he might still be upset, and being burned to death in green flames doesn’t seem like a fun way to go.) before they have to turn around and face the rest of the students who are much less interesting than mister greasy and purple-disaster TM staring at their group like they have two heads –Or are possibly dressed in rather unique clothes- with gaping mouths.

Tony thinks it’s rather rude of them, especially when they have an enchanted ceiling and a –now- singing hat to gape at, but before he can stick his tongue out at any of them, Bruce steps on his foot and Natasha simultaneously elbows him rather hard in the stomach.

Awful friends, the lot of them.

The singing finally comes to an end, and Professor McGonagall steps forward again with a long roll of parchment in her hand. “When I call your name,” She says, “You will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.”

Tony grins

The fun has officially started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD. It’s done. Finally. This chap gave me so much trouble, it nearly drove me crazy. I really, really, really hope you all like it, cuz I did the best I could with the limited free time I had. Hope it was at least a little funny?
> 
> Please guys, please review. I know it was both late and short, and I know there are probably a lot of things that could have been better, but I’m working my ass off trying to at least write something, and I do it for the reviews I get. So please tell me what you think. It makes me at least write, if not write faster.
> 
> The sorting will be next chap, and tell me which characters you wish to see most in the story so maybe I can add them. I’ve decided on four so far, but maybe I can add one more.
> 
> I’m sorry for the mistakes, this isn’t really edited. Maybe I’ll come back later and fix some.
> 
> (Also, Dumbledore is wearing purple, cuz I’m 60 percent sure that’s what he wore in his first appearance, but it’s been ages since I read the books so…)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. This chap was mostly a quick introduction to the sorry. Hopefully the rest of the chaps will be bother better.
> 
> If u could give me a couple of reviews and tell me if you would at least want to read a story that is kinda one shots of the avengers completely ruining every heroic moment in Harry Potter with a dose of crack ,so I know if I should write more or just give up and delete this after a while, that would be totally awesome.


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